The Complaint Wall

Every time I call customer service, I get stuck on hold listening to someone tell me, "Your call is very important to us."

If my call is so important, why have I been listening to the same 12 seconds of jazz for 45 minutes?

At this point, I've memorized the saxophone solo, named the drummer, and I'm pretty sure I'm in the band.

I'm tired of self-checkout machines. I scan everything, bag everything, and still need an employee to approve my beer purchase.

If I'm going to do the cashier's job, I should at least get to use the microphone and yell, "PRICE CHECK ON AISLE FIVE!"

Why can everyone in my house use the toilet paper, but nobody can replace the roll? At this point, I’m considering putting it on the chore chart with step-by-step instructions.

Why is it that the moment you’re running late, every traffic light turns red, the person in front of you decides to drive 10 miles under the speed limit, and suddenly everyone forgets how a four-way stop works? I’m starting to think the universe has access to my calendar.

Dunkin’ Donuts Without the Donuts! 🍩

Every year, I get donuts for my kids on their birthdays. It’s a family tradition.

This morning, I pulled into Dunkin’ to get my daughter’s birthday donuts. One small problem.

THEY HAD ZERO DONUTS!

Apparently, the person responsible for making the donuts decided not to make any today.

Seriously? IT’S DUNKIN’ DONUTS! DONUTS IS LITERALLY IN YOUR NAME!

I asked the employee to pass along a message to the donut maker: “You just ruined a little girl’s birthday.”

After leaving a one-star Google review suggesting they change their name to simply “Dunkin’,” I drove three miles to Winchell’s.

Guess what? DONUTS EVERYWHERE!

I thanked the employees for actually having donuts, told them what happened, and we all had a good laugh.

Birthday tradition saved. Morning saved.

But seriously, how does a donut shop open without donuts?

Maybe next time I’ll stop at a bank and see if they’ve decided not to have any money.

The thing that annoys me most in life are those who drive slowly in the left lane. Especially on the expressway. Repeat offenders should lose their license to drive, minimally. Given their insensitivity to the world around them, perhaps these drivers should be isolated from the civilized world, as I'm certain they commit many other atrocities that are leading to the fall of civilization.

I have an ingrown toenail on my big toe. It hurts. What should I do?

I’m tired of writing my many many complaints, but I feel I must continue writing them to better our world!

Complaints are really just hidden complements.